Journal Entry

We had a party last Saturday for Gavin’s 30th and Aunt Cathy’s 50th birthday. The preparations to make everything as ‘perfect’ as possible has left me drained of all motivation to pick up where I left off before the party & begin again on the projects still unfinished.

One conversation in particular from last weekend has stayed with me though. I had the joy of giving my grandpa’s brother, Tom, a tour of the house. It made me wish grandpa could be here as well to see all that we’ve done. I hope it’d make him smile.

As we walked up the stairs and arrived in the library, he looked around at the walls. “Boy, I remember when Cindy and Don first bought this place,” he said. “There was graffiti on the walls and wallpaper all torn down.” Shaking his head, he concluded, “They seemed crazy for taking on a project this big.”

I didn’t know it was in that bad of shape when my grandparents purchased the house. I’ve heard that a couple of ‘hippies’ lived here before them and they let their kids draw all over the walls. But hearing that from Tom gave me the feeling that Gavin & I are doing exactly what my grandparents had done decades ago. They too had a vision for this house & worked to make their dreams for it a reality.

Remnants of their labor are cherished now, like the wainscoting my grandpa made that wraps around our bedroom, or the bookshelf in the library that spans the entire wall. They added so much beauty to this home, but never got to see their dreams completely fulfilled. In the end, it was too much to care for. All of those years they’d worked on this house and this land seemed to fade away with time. Nature took back control.

I’m coming to realize more each day that this life is quick to pass us by. Time escapes with the wind & is lost forever. I just wonder if at the end of it all, after Gavin and I have broken our bodies for this home, will everything begin to fall apart again just when we can’t hold it together any longer? Maybe at the end of our earthly days, there’ll come a young couple with light in their eyes and strength in their bones to begin once more, all over again.

Even so coming to this conclusion, it doesn’t change much. But reminds me that this life is not all there is. I cannot store up all my treasure here on earth and pray it’ll be here till the end. What I ought to do is scale back down into this very moment, holding it lightly between my hands and simply be thankful for this time, here and now.